DinkyGoth

Maybe I'm being selfish here, but why can't the UK train system run on Boxing day? I'm sure many drivers would be willing to work for double pay. It has never been an issue for us but we always travel on Boxing day (the children go to their father in London/ we see family) this year we have no car and there are no trains to London from Aylesbury, not one! We are suppose to be going to Prague on Boxing day evening, this may have to be changed to the 27th if we can't sort out how to get children to London without losing them for the whole of festive period.

NB: Prague's transport and markets run all of Christmas...

I have had a very productive and rather enjoyable day and so far I'm not suffering too much for it :-)
The day started badly as it usually does but I eventually got out of bed and headed to school with the children. I was teaching this morning and I had a wonderful time, I have small groups of 5 and 6 year olds who are having problems getting to grips with numeracy and literacy but they so want to learn and this for me is a rarity. The teachers are giving me the opportunity to teach in a style I want which is great and the kids think we're playing and all want to work with me!
This is the second morning I have done this week and will be doing friday too,this will be a weekly activity and is all voluntary but everyone seems to be benefiting, who knows it may lead to a job at some point when I'm truely ready or at least hopefully a decent reference.

After a period of rest (am I getting this pacing thing?)I chatted online to my sister who is helping me to organise a charity event for M.E this will hopefully be during M.E awareness week in late May and will be an evening of fun and games, music and food at a venue in london.I will be posting more about it shortly as I will be looking to sell tickets to people and may also need some help, anyone who's had experience of such things please contact me.

Had 5 children home after school but that was fine and now mine are in bed and I plan to do nothing but watch a film and then Robert will be over later so I reckon this has to be one of the best days I've had in ages hope tomorrows just as good.

Hi ya,



Don't know what people are up to Easter sunday but a few people have shown interest in resurrecting the goth picnics of olde in waterlow park in Archway so it was decided to attempt a chocolate sharing event on the one day of the year that stephen is definitely off work :-)



The weather is suppose to be nice for Easter but if its lousy nearer the time we can reshuedule to an inside venue, but for now the idea is



Easter Sunday 1pm meet at Archway station to walk down to the park

Everyone welcome,old and new friends and their children .
The only must have food is chocolate.



Let me know if you can make this picnic but also perhaps give some ideas for alternative picnic venues/ideas/dates for later in the season..



Hope to see you there

Hugs

Coralxxx

Well it seems the new medication is finally out of my system and things are starting to return to some normality.I was put on a new stronger medication a few weeks back and god it made me ten times worse. I was told it was side affects which would pass but when you're mood is lower than before and you can't hold down food or water its not working! so I'm drug free and feeling hopeful.

I started some therapy a week back which was bearable, the problem is I don't want validation that I can feel this way,because of the frustration of not working for 2.5 years or the lack of support from family etc, etc... I want to move on from feeling the way I do and I'm not sure general counselling is going to cover this. I am being assessed to have CBT, the new 'must have' therapy but the waiting list is long.... oh for private health care.

The difficulty with having depression and M.E is that the treatments oppose one another keeping busy and active will lift the depression but fuel the ME and I'm not great on balance, try as I will I am not one to sit sedately,I want challenges, things that I can achieve and that are fulfiling, not just there to pass the day. So what have I been doing with my 'free time'

Well this week not alot... mainly been watching alot of rented DVD's ,firm favorites at the mo has to be the mighty boosh, if you feel alittle low this will lift you up no end with its sheer madness. last night I saw severance which was rather funny in dialogue but alittle graphic in killing scenes, tonight I will be seeing 300 at the cinema,that is after I watch Locksley perform in his cheerleading show at school.

The weekend will hopefully involve films, friends and Robert not necessarily in that order. Have a great weekend.

Looks like I've just been conned on the net, I was trying to find a reasonable organic vegatable box scheme that didn't send tons of packaging, so found a company called organics-4u.co.uk I was to receive my box yesterday I've had a confirmation email and they say if there's a problem call them, but its not a registered number....

I wasn't in yesterday so I thought perhaps they'd tried to deliver and taken it back to redeliver today but its not arrived and I've not had a reply via email but they have taken my money, luckily I should be able to get it back as it was paid by visa but thats not the point!

Which companies are other people using? Riverford don't deliver which is very annoying.

I am trying to cut costs especially in regard to phone/internet fees what providers do other people use and if you don't mind what is the monthly cost?, I'm with ntl at present but considering going back to BT,as there seems to be greater choice in cheap IP's any advice would be great Cxx

After seeing Miss Potter at the cinema on saturday which featured the beautiful landscapes of the lake district I decided that this years family holiday will be... in the lake district I have booked this place for a week in August,
www.lakelovers.co.uk/search.php
(cottage name crinkle cragg) the children love the idea of building dens in the forest, going for walks, picnics and boat trips.

I was going to write that over the last few weeks my M.E had gone into remission but I'm not so sure as I feel yuck today... but things have got alot better recently and on most days I can do quite a bit of walking, I have walked the kids to school 3 times this week and twice without my stick for aid, this of course means that people have started asking when will I return to work! I feel bad enough not working but I'm not going to rush back I need to be clear of most symptoms for a period of time and gradually return to work, I've decided not to return til september at the earliest, I have plenty of things to be doing at home and with the support from the hospital and therapy I hope to be able to be able to change my thinking patterns so that I can relax at home without feeling a failure for not working. I am now only attending the day hospital twice a week and they are happy with my progress, I'm still having a few days a week when I feel really low but I'm starting to challenge the negative thoughts,its a difficult practice as I'm trying to change thought patterns that have been there since I was a child and I wonder what sort of person I'll be if I don't behave in the way I have done.... time will tell.

oh what a miserable day, our poor hamster passed away, it won't stop raining, and feeling lonely... so if you have a joke, a funny pic or story that will make me smile please post it!
Cxx

.....pay out for whitby over spill tickets for people who I can't reach by phone?

There are 14 of us going most of us now have tickets but....4 people I haven't heard from, 2 are definetly going but have 2 kids and may only need one ticket and the other 2 there seems to be some confusion as to whether they are coming at all.
Can't rteally afford to waste money.... but there are only 16 tickets left, oh what to do?????
Cxx

EDIT: have booked one more ticket just in case....

I'm not particularly articulate at present but I thought I'd update people on life....
for those who didn't know I won my tribunal for DLA, which I was overwhelmed by. no one could represent me on the day, but they wanted it to go ahead and so I represented myself and as it was a particularly bad day it helped. I was awarded the highest level of mobility and lowest level of care.I've yet to receive any payment but its being back dated to April so thats' a help!

I started my college courses last week the counselling skills one is going to be really interesting but I'm not sure I can really manage getting to college and discussing issues for 3 hours, it would be exhausting for anyone so it may be too much for me, I don't want to give up straight away (actually not at all) but I need to be realistic. The psychology will be fine as it can be done from home mainly.

Yesterday I started my CFS management programme its a mixture of CBT and graded exercise and I'm really not sure about it, but I will try anything right now if it gives some hope of change. The exercises were just stretching but some I was unable to do without huge tears welling up in my eyes just due to frustation, I think? it was also painful but I have to do them daily and next week they're move on to adding some aerobic type.

The programe requires lots of diary keeping ie the activities I'm doing and the level of fatigue/pain and it will be interesting to see how much I actually do.... then I have to set realistic goals *laughes* ,that I can do on a good day (usually too much) and bad (usually unable to do anything)I will be doing very little I have been told, which scares me I know I can't relax and this is a major problem relaxing for me has always been doing very physical activities.I also laying down makes me realise how ill I feel, if I keep going somehow I sort of forget that I'm ill.

so as you can see from my ramblings I have had lots of positive stuff occurring, but its all up in the air at the moment as my health to be honest has relapsed so badly that its hard to see the positive... I will as always try to keep smiling and please keep in touch as if I really want to get better I need to start hibernating so I may not be out or organising stuff so much, but I am here and always love to chat (better on phone/in person)so keep in touch

well as Robert has already posted about being in sweden for a Europe fan meet, I'll elaborate....yes I am a fan of the band europe, don't hold it against me its how I got into rock then goth!!BUT please don't sing the final countdown when you see me or I may hit you... heard it too many times now.
Anyway a few years ago they reformed and through their forum I made some wonderful friends. Twice a year some of us get together, usually in london (which would have been a damn sight easier as my health is soooo crap),but this time for a change and because it was the organisers b'day it was to be in goteburg.

The flights were booked ages ago at the cost of a penny(+tax)but it was not finalised until friday that we'd attend as I have been feeling awful, I only see most of these people every six months and some are very special to me so not going mean't not seeing them and as I really wanted to see them, we went and to hell with the consquences.....

so the whole weekend was exhausting and the pay back is unbearable, but seeing everyone and having sooooo much fun for a few hours was brilliant for my emotional well-being, there were times in the evening that I watched the energy and drunkness of everyone and remembered how I had once been and felt envious that I couldn't get up and dance or sing ( I barely had any voice for the weekend)but I'm still hoping that in the not so distant future I will be there doing just that.
Cxx

This morning I felt very happy, I walked the boys to school,(usually use the scooter) and was really pleased with myself. I have not rushed around or done much of anything and now I feel awful, my head feels like exploding, throat so sore and in lots of pain... its not fair! I need to find my baseline of activity,this yoyoing of emotions and energy is so difficult to manage. Going to sleep now, suppose to be starting the aylesbury choir tonight and really want to make it.
Cxx

I'm trying not to do too much today as over did it yesterday and I'm wasting time doing this.... :-) Now don't laugh.....

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

as mentioned, (I think) I am wanting to take out a small claim against my ex- landlord who took my whole rent deposit and actually hasn't even bothered to write and explain why, actually I've had no written confirmation from the estate agents that it was taken either!

has anyone used the HMCS online money claim service for this or should I do it through the aylesbury county court?
any help/advice appreciated.

Cxx

just to confirm,
Robert's b'day drinks tomorrow in the kings head aylesbury 7.30,
hope some of you can make it
Cxx

Having purchased the neccessary items for constructing a Dalek cake, I'm now too exhausted to make it and am wishing that a)my children had wanted to make something slightly more straight forward,
b) that Liz was round the corner to ask for her help as she's super at cakes
c) that robert didn't have a gluten problem, so that the cake I bake will actually resemble something edible.

d)that I actually knew what the heck I was going to do....

Actually I think I may just give the children the neccassary cakes, decorations and ask them to construct it,at least then when it doesn't resemble the forementioned dalek and looks like a mountain of chocolate cake covered by chocolate and ehhh, probably more chocolate, I can say, the children did it.... mine is likely to resemble a child's model too! ;-)

trying to get people together on thursday 10th August probably drinks at the kings head and eat somewhere, or perhaps over here,if its easier. Its robert's b'day so I\m sure he'll appreciate celebrating with others... Its seems that people are busy throughout this time, but if that date is unavailable with you, perhaps a weekend trip to london would be better.... when are people actually free!

so let me know.. thursday 10th yes/no
this weekend ?
next weekend?

thanks coralxxx

Haven't updated in awhile, and have had a strange couple of weeks of highs and lows. The highs have been very high and enjoyable the lows are difficult to write about, but will hopefully have a positive influence in the end.
So the highs,

well Stockholm was beautiful, the buildings, the vast areas of water, the food was excellent but bloody expensive, people were friendly and spoke English with better acquistion than most people in this country.

we did how ever miss our plane on the way out, so our visit was slightly shorter than expected so we were unable to visit the Birka island (viking island) or most of the museums and we didn't get to the Goth nite either, as we spent saturday night in a rock bar that was such a 80's throw back... it was a large place on a couple of floors,with bands and made the crobar look positively pathetic.

The only museum we got to was the Vasa, which housed an amazing ship that had been sitting on the sea bed for 300 hundred years after sinking on its maiden voyage (half an hour into it)it was beautiful carved but so top heavy you could see why it had sunk, the king at the time had order the ship to be the biggest ever and the consequence it sunk, the ship made the mary rose look... quite pathetic too.

what else? well the house is coming along, I have plans for it, slowly the boxes are disappearing hopefully in the next few weeks the front room will be done so I can invite people round for a house warming party... actually it probably won't be til september but \i'll try and give people plenty of notice.
Kitty has settled well, he also has an enjoyable weekend away at dodgyoldgoth's the other weekend while we were away... thank you for that Darren much appreciated xxx

I have become addicted to watching freecycle, its an online way of recycling stuff you no longer need, and people give away all sorts of things and when you're trying to do up a house on a budget its great, people have come and taken away big items that I no longer need as well which is so much easier than trying to get to the dump.I now have comfy sofas and those horrid uncomfortable futons are no more!

well this is getting long so I'll keep the lows short, lets just say that life isn't how I expected, I feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied, I'm a fighter and will keep fighting for what I believe in but when do you say enoughs enough? I am aware of a lot of the issues I have, I know why I may behave in ways I do but I need to know how to move on ....confused yet??... now you know how I feel, sorry its all ridden like, I'm basically having self issues, relationship problems, on top of the usual ME crap so if you don't hear from me, please contact me and pull me out of the black cloud that is beginning to engulf me.
love to you all,
Cxxx